Returns & Reprints (No-Nonsense, Slightly Unhinged)

If we mess up, we fix it

Misprint? Damaged? Manufacturing gremlin?

Tell us within 30 days of delivery. We’ll reprint or refund—no ritual, no return label, no goose chase. Just clear photos and your order number. Boom. Fixed. You can go back to fondling yourself.

If the package goes missing

Check under the doormat. Check behind the plant. Ask the old lady at number 32 who “never orders anything.”
Still MIA? If the address was correct and the carrier didn’t do interpretive dance with your parcel, we’ll reprint after a quick check.

What’s not covered

  • Wrong size selected / buyer’s remorse. That’s a you–shaped problem. Check the sizing charts and be sure before you order.

  • Incorrect or incomplete address. If it boomerangs back, we can reprint (extra charge) or partial refund—your call.

How to file a claim (fast)

  1. Contact us within 30 days with your order number.

  2. Attach two photos: close-up of the issue + full item (bonus points if it’s not blurry, and please no willy pics).

  3. We confirm and reprint or refund. No riddles, no hold music, minimal existential dread.

Summary: If we goof, we fix it. If it’s delivery or address gremlins, we’ll still help—just expect a couple of extra steps.