Unisex Fleece Crew — “Coal Recipient: 25 Years Running” (Santa’s Most Improved Disappointment)
Celebrate a quarter-century of festive underachievement. This cozy crewneck proudly announces that, year after year, you’ve dominated the naughty leaderboard like a seasonal anti-hero. Above the bold proclamation sits a majestic lump of carbon—nature’s original participation trophy. Wear it to holiday dinners, office parties, or while practicing your carols in a minor key.
Why it rocks (literally):
Dropped shoulders for maximum elf-dodging agility
Ribbed cuffs/hem that hug tighter than your New Year’s resolutions cling to January 3rd
Seamless build—smooth as your explanation to Santa (“it was character development”)
80/20 cotton–poly blend: soft enough to rehabilitate your reputation, durable enough to ruin it again next year
Medium-heavy weight: warm like a fireplace, minus the smoke alarm
Coal Handling Instructions (a.k.a. Care):
Machine wash cold (30°C/90°F) to keep the soot chic
Tumble dry low—high heat turns coal into diamonds and we can’t afford that attitude
Low iron if needed; do not iron your conscience
Non-chlorine bleach only; regular bleach erases your lore
No dry cleaning—Santa prefers authenticity
Use cases: Chaotic Christmas family photos, or as a warning label for gingerbread men. Wear with pride. You’ve earned this… repeatedly
Unisex Fleece Crew — “Coal Recipient: 25 Years Running” (Santa’s Most Improved Disappointment)
Celebrate a quarter-century of festive underachievement. This cozy crewneck proudly announces that, year after year, you’ve dominated the naughty leaderboard like a seasonal anti-hero. Above the bold proclamation sits a majestic lump of carbon—nature’s original participation trophy. Wear it to holiday dinners, office parties, or while practicing your carols in a minor key.
Why it rocks (literally):
Dropped shoulders for maximum elf-dodging agility
Ribbed cuffs/hem that hug tighter than your New Year’s resolutions cling to January 3rd
Seamless build—smooth as your explanation to Santa (“it was character development”)
80/20 cotton–poly blend: soft enough to rehabilitate your reputation, durable enough to ruin it again next year
Medium-heavy weight: warm like a fireplace, minus the smoke alarm
Coal Handling Instructions (a.k.a. Care):
Machine wash cold (30°C/90°F) to keep the soot chic
Tumble dry low—high heat turns coal into diamonds and we can’t afford that attitude
Low iron if needed; do not iron your conscience
Non-chlorine bleach only; regular bleach erases your lore
No dry cleaning—Santa prefers authenticity
Use cases: Chaotic Christmas family photos, or as a warning label for gingerbread men. Wear with pride. You’ve earned this… repeatedly
